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Joke of the Day

"I thought about marrying my mom... but Oedipus wrecked it for me."

"How can you tell when your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start to pile up."

"A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says ""Is this some kind of joke?""."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? It's an obscure number you've probably never heard of."

"Why did the fat, religious Ugandan move to Egypt for weight loss candy? He wanted to find a lighten mint through trans-Sudan migration!"

"My girlfriend announced she was having her sports car detailed ""I am going to have them wax it too,"" she said. I looked at her nonplussed and said, ""I didn't know Corvettes had a bikini line."""

"Sure, 50% of marriages end in divorce and yeah, that's sad. But 100% of married people will die, and isn't that a greater tragedy?"

"independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas"

"What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime"

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."