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Joke of the Day

"Today I ended a long term relationship. I don't really care though, it wasn't mine."

"I'd like a job cleaning mirrors Because it's something I can see myself doing"

"My wife has two weeks left to live... Then I'm going to stab her."

"How is a man and a 45 degree angle alike? Neither of them are ever right."

"What is the difference between a cheap whore and an expensive whore? One is your mom; the other one gets paid more."

"What spice is guaranteed to make your girlfriend walk out on you? Bay Leaves"

"What did the llama say when asked to a picnic? Alpaca lunch!"

"I'm fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes."

"Me: I'd like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized platter of Super Nachos."

"Wife: Did you pay the mortgage yet? Me: Do you think surfers in India are called Hindudes? Wife: What? Me: What? Communication is hard"