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Joke of the Day
"Me: I'd like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized platter of Super Nachos."
Next Joke
"My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water... I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat."
"I love that the news bleeps swears. ""Sorry you heard a bad word during our footage of a firefight that ended with a guy being burned alive."""
"If Apple Saudi Arabia made a Wrestling Game, it would be called... iSlam."
"If you could choose between world peace and $100,000,000, what color would you choose for your Ferrari?"
"Mom, can I have another piece of pecan pie? ""You mean MAY, not CAN"" Ok, mom can I have another piece of pemay pie?"
"Excuse me waiter, I didn't ask for dessert. I asked for DESERT. Now get me a bowl of sand and a baby camel."
"What kind of couch do gay people buy? Homo-Sectionals"
"What's the core body temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke Warm"
"*Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag."