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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my computer and Paul Walker? I don't give a shit about Paul Walker crashing."

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick."

"My kid's latest report card looks like someone with a stutter is trying to swear."

"Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, ""Where did I meet these crazy people?"" But then I think ""What would I do without them?"""

"What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved at each other."

"My signature move is having my phone connected for hours to a charger that's not even plugged in."

"I take issue with people stealing magazines."

"My wife said she'd like another baby... ... I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!"

"Whats Red and Smells Like Blue Paint? Red Paint"