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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!"

"DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up."

"I'm not a psycoanalyst... but I metacrazy once."

"What do blondes and turtles have in common? When they're on their backs, they're screwed."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated math teacher? She worked it out with a pencil."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only cums once a year"

"Wife: for the last time buy a terrarium Me: [drops 7 lizards into my shirt] why they already have a home"

"Dad Joke: People said the USA would have a black president when pigs fly. Swine Flu."

"Teens today have it so easy. We didn't have self-checkout lanes when WE bought condoms."

"Everyone is furious about Trump's greatest crime: Beating a woman"