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Joke of the Day
"I hate that random song you hear in the morning and gets stuck in your head all day long."
Next Joke
"The best part about twitter is that it is completely satisfying on a deep emotional level and in no way makes me feel empty inside."
"A woman was looking in the mirror... And she says to her husband ""I look fat. Give me a compliment."" The husband replies "" Your vision is perfect."""
"Have you heard of probability before? The student replied, ""probably"""
"Government shutdown day 7: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever."
"The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don't like the French."
"A man told me there was a Pikachu in the back of his white van. When I jumped in, it appeared that he was mistaken."
"A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind in here!"" Mushroom says, ""Come on, I'm a fungi!"""
"20 yr old mom: my child is my life I would give my own life for him 40 yr old mom: GET OFF THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW OR I WILL END YOU"
"How do you make an octopus laugh? Ten Tickles"