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Joke of the Day

"The best part about twitter is that it is completely satisfying on a deep emotional level and in no way makes me feel empty inside."

"#feelthebern As a Jew I'm not sure Bernie is allowed to say that"

"Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants In case he gets a hole in one"

"Chuck Norris once broke wind so hard... it couldn't be fixed."

"1st Date Me: Just warning you. I get freaky. Her: Oh yeah? How freaky.? Me:*thinking of using pizza rolls as a pizza topping* So freaky."

"If these seasonal allergies don't kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will."

"My parachute didn't deploy At least I have the rest of my life to fix it."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He used to lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog."

"""Grandpa, when did you know grandma was the one?"" When her sister dumped me."

"If you yawn when you're alone it's because there's a ghost in the room and he yawned first."