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Joke of the Day

"Government shutdown day 7: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever."

"How many mathematician does it take to change a lightbulb? pi"

"How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day? One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab."

"Did you hear Sea World is removing their Orca attraction? Whale it's about time!"

"Making jokes about rape is hard... because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it"

"Redditor's Headstone Inscription NOW I KNOW I'M LATE SO WILL LIKELY GET BURIED"

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you."

"when you move to a new town everyone wants to date you because they don't know you're a piece of shit yet. i highly recommend it."

"duh. Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red? A: So they can hide in cherry trees. Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree before? A: No? See, it works!"

"The avengers walk into a bar Except vision. He phased."