61185

Joke of the Day

"The ""Lumos/Nox"" trick on Android phones is pretty neat. However... I'd advise the Galaxy Note 7 crowd to avoid ""Avada Kedavra."""

"What do call a disgraceful Asian Nothing they're not your child anymore"

"Waiting for Bernie Sanders to come out from under the ring and hitting someone with a steel chair to claim the presidential belt."

"What do you call an alcoholic dog ? A whino !"

"You know what pisses me off? Amber Alerts It's like, life is depressing enough as it is so hearing about someone else getting laid just isn't helpful."

"What you you call a girl you meet on Reddit? You don't."

"If you are willing to jump off a bridge, because your wife cheated on you... ...just remember it is a pair of horns, and not a pair of wings."

"I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin."

"I was down on the dock with some friends and they kept on trying to get me to drink. I reluctantly gave into pier pressure."

"Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am"