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Joke of the Day

"Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am"

"The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted... Only two-door cars were allowed."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"I've been going to the gym for 3 weeks now with no results.. What Pokemon do I use to lose weight?"

"So a police officer is called out to the scene where a Mercedes is wrapped around a tree, He said ""Well, I guess that's the way the Mercedes Benz"""

"What do you call a socialite stripper? a peeler of the community!"

"Glad I'm not Spiderman cause I'd probably just make lots of web hammocks and take lots of naps."

"I was injured in a violent mugging this afternoon. On the plus side, I did make $23 and I think this old lady's watch looks really good on me."

"Nose hairs must be the longest hairs on the human body. When you pull them your arsehole twitches."

"The shit stains in my toilet are so peaceful I just can't piss them off."