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Joke of the Day

"You know what pisses me off? Amber Alerts It's like, life is depressing enough as it is so hearing about someone else getting laid just isn't helpful."

"Two cannibals are stewing up a clown One turns to the other and says, ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"Las Vegas Floor Show What is the difference between a circus side show and a Las Vegas floor show? One has a cunning array of stunts the other has a stunning array of cunts."

"If a psychic goes to the bathroom in the forest, does he make a sound? No, because the ""p"" is silent."

"How do you fit an elephant into a safeway bag? You take the 's' out of safe and the 'f' out of way."

"A conversation between God and and Angel GOD: They scared enough? ANGEL: Not yet GOD: You got Trump running? ANGEL: Yup GOD: Hurricane? ANGEL: Yup GOD: Ok, send in the clowns."

"Why did Hitler really commit suicide? He got the gas bill"

"Hi Africa, it's America. A guy over here just ate 69 hotdogs in 10 minutes! How's everything going with you?"

"There was a vote at the offices of Microsoft whether to update a beloved software or keep it the way it was. Bill Gates decided to v2 it"

"I didn't realize what ""Shoot the J"" meant... So naturally people explained it to me when I shouted it at the wheelchair basketball halftime show."