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Joke of the Day

"You know what pisses me off? Amber Alerts It's like, life is depressing enough as it is so hearing about someone else getting laid just isn't helpful."

"I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille.... .....I just love smell of campfires."

"What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem."

"What do you call a deer with no eye? GoodMorning! NO IDEAR!"

"I just yawned so loud now I'm pretty sure a whale somewhere is trying to answer."

"What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?"

"What does my ex and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."

"You know what's the worst thing about having sex with 28 year olds? You have to keep track of all twenty of 'em"

"Are you an arson and a musician? WOOOOOOOAAHHHHHooOOO, YOUR SAX IS ON FIRE!"

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""