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Joke of the Day

"Felony Insurance, like car insurance but for when you hate someone so much you just have to throw a cinder block through their windshield."

Next Joke
 
"{discussing wedding dresses} CW1: I had mine preserved. CW2: I donated mine to a charity. You? Me: I used mine as kindling for a bonfire."
"What did the poet with hemorrhoids say? I'm stuffin the puffin back into my muffin."
"My dad got me at the adoption center today He pretended to just leave me there. Good one dad, now come pick me up please."
"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"
"I hope none of these haystacks are sharing needles."
"My computer crashed. Now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening."
"That awkward moment when you're trying to end a conversation and the other person won't stop talking."
"How do you get a Warriors fan to stop masturbating? Paint his dick Cavaliers maroon and yellow."
"Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? one is plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with, the other holds your groceries"