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Joke of the Day

"I hope none of these haystacks are sharing needles."

"Don't ever talk to me in an elevator. It will just be uncomfortable. I don't want to be put in that position. With my hand over your mouth."

"What's the difference between a tiny penis and a joke? My date didn't laugh at my jokes."

"Dyslexics are teople poo"

"If using your 4yo as a remote control to fetch things makes you a bad parent, then I'm a bad parent... A bad parent with an ice cold beer."

"""Mrs. Arnold Palmer, what do you do for good luck before your husband plays a tournament?"" ""Well, I kiss his balls for good luck."" ""That must make his putter flutter."""

"When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote."

"Apple Airpods A $159 game of hide and seek."

"So there I was... ...balls deep in a man's ass. He turns around and asks ""Hey, can I have a reach-around?"" So I asked, ""What are you, gay?"""

"[hamster construction site] ""Colin, you seen Dave?"" I left him manning the concrete mixer ""Oh no"" [cut to Dave having the time of his life]"