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Joke of the Day

"{discussing wedding dresses} CW1: I had mine preserved. CW2: I donated mine to a charity. You? Me: I used mine as kindling for a bonfire."

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"What does socialism smell like? It has a Bernie smell."
"If Bill Cosby and Gwyneth Paltrow hooked up... ...it would be an unconscious coupling."
"Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes."
"When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility."
"Knock knock. Mailman."
"In 1976, my friend asked me when's the last time I had sex... I replied, ""1950"" He responded, ""that's a long time ago.."" And I said, ""not really, it's only 2150 now."""
"Saw Helena Bonham Carter walking down Wardour Street earlier looking every inch the mystical vagabond. Was tempted to rub her head for luck."
"What's the difference between a turkey sandwich and a ham sandwich? A turkey sandwich doesn't recognize the Armenian genocide"
"I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too."
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