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Joke of the Day

"My dad got me at the adoption center today He pretended to just leave me there. Good one dad, now come pick me up please."

"Sitting across from a table of cops at a restaurant and convinced im going to get arrested for how gross I look eating this chicken wrap"

"Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex."

"Guy: What do you do? Me: I tell jokes on Twitter G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself? Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes"

"I got fired from my job at the Orange Juice factory They said I couldn't concentrate"

"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing!"

"Why do scientists look for things twice? Because they re-search everything."

"Whats worse than having a lobster on yer piano? Having crabs on yer organ!"

"What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry."

"Walking down the street I was walking home form work and I saw a bee crawling on the grass. I was thinking of stepping on it, then I decided 'ehh I'll let it be'"