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Joke of the Day
"Tombstones should just say how old the person was. I don't wanna walk around doing grave math."
Next Joke
"What does a jock douchebag and a strict catholic have in common? They're both obsessed with their mass every day."
"What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Ten-ish."
"What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave? Idk, I was too busy jacking off..."
"Tell me more about how awful dubstep is, generation that celebrated disco."
"What are the odds of a chronic gambler ever calling the addiction-helpline? No seriously, I've got $100 riding on this."
"What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor."
"What did the book say to the librarian? Can I take you out?"
"Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine."
"I only had 3 goals in Monopoly as a kid: Dog game piece Boardwalk and Park Place. Steal your money when you go to the bathroom."