139543

Joke of the Day

"A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van."

Next Joke
 
"A man goes to the doctors for a physical. The doctor says ""you have to stop masturbating"" The man replies ""why?"" The doctor responds ""because I'm trying to give you a physical"""
"Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don't. so i made her a mixed signal tape"
"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."
"If greens are the staples of a healthy diet... I'm gonna need some paperclips."
"So I was going by this farm the other day... and I was like, hay."
"i dont give a frick about your car's horse power i want to know about its other powers lets start with duck power"
"I've just received my 14th Christmas card from the Alzheimer's Society."
"Behind every great man is a great woman. Way behind. Because men are faster."
"Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes but I thought it was mine!"