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Joke of the Day

"""I'm never gonna do THAT again!"" ~ Me, about things I'll continually do... Again"

"I saw some guy hitting on a girl the other day... I think it was Mayweather"

"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range."

"How do you get Akbar to shut up? Muzzle'm."

"I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours."

"Did you hear about the new show about a camel on a cow ranch? It's been called a dairy drama about a dromedary."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before."

"Me: Dad, how did you guys manage without WhatsApp and SMS ?? Dad: We used to keep useless information to ourselves."

"We could probably stabilize the economy if everyone stopped stealing grapes."

"My PhD candidate brother told me he is getting hooded in a few weeks. What a dumb ass- you can't undo a circumcision . . . . Woke up with this joke inside my head- original?"