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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the US Election and sex? In sex it's fun to choose between a cunt and an asshole."

"Today I was walking past a car filled with black people and they locked the door when I got close. I felt like a badass until I realized that it was my car."

"Boss made me put a nametag over my left bosom. I leaned over and said, ""Now, what shall we name the other one?"""

"What's the Shah's favorite band? Iran Maiden"

"I had to change the battery in my clock. It was about time."

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"Did you hear about the secret cure for everything that the government doesn't want us to know about? Exactly..."

"What did the alphabet have before it took a shit? A vowel movement."

"Ellie Goulding could really take her relationship to the next level... ... if she married Darth Vader (Don't know if I should be proud, but yes this is OC)"

"I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!"