60941

Joke of the Day

"I hate when I'm running away from monsters at the temple then crash into a tree and die because I wanted to collect all the gold."

"Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!"

"Congratulations, Americans who write ""Cheers"" at the end of e-mails. You've found something even more pretentious than ""Sent from my iPhone"""

"Got stuck behind a tractor on the way to work this morning. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming ""We're all doomed! The end of the world is nigh! Repent!"" Turned out it was Farmer Geddon"

"TIFU by falling asleep on the john at noon. I meant Job. I fell asleep on the Job. :D :D"

"Just held the door for an Asian guy and he said ""Sank you"" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that."

"A scared look and a ""let me go google that"" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist."

"Two fish are in a tank One turns to the other and says: ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"I don't want to just eat Olive Garden. I want to eat OLIVE it."

"With apologies to books, tits are way better."