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Joke of the Day

"THE WEEKND: I can't feel my face when I'm with you DENTIST (injecting novocaine): that's kinda the point dude"

"Two women want to form a project group... Turns out it was a real misfit."

"Me: your dress is too revealing Wife: wear your own clothes then"

"I used to have a lot of sex... Then my VR headset broke."

"Doctor doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister?"

"My birth control is my 5yo running around in circles at 5am screaming ""I have so much energy! I have so much energy! I have so much energy!"""

"My gay joke probably won't be loved, butt fuck it."

"I keep having flashbacks to my emo phase. I think I might have PTXD."

"How amazing is Michael Phelps? He's got like a Brazilian Medals."

"Doctor: You need a kidney transplant. Me: A transplant? Dr: Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. I know where each one is buried. Me:"