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Joke of the Day

"My daughter can be so cruel... Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers? Me: I don't know, what? Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!"

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"What is Al Qaeda's Favorite Football Team? The New York Jets."
"Lesbians be like ""Oh no it's the end of the world!"""
"[NSFW] Gonzo turns to Kermit and says ""It's getting late, want to go eat out somewhere?"" Kermit looks at Missy Piggy and says ""I'm having pork tonight."""
"Conan refuses to accept a 12:05 Tonight Show. NBC says he can't leave. I'm just waiting for Obama to say Leno is a ""jackass""."
"When you are trying to get out of the aisle at the movies, and you have to pass by people, do you give them the nut or the butt?"
"Please be patient...I'm fcuking things up as fast as I can."
"Me: you're like heroin. Her: Why? Because you're addicted to me? Me: No, because you're ruining my life."
"Tragic: In the world every 60 seconds... ...One minute passes."
"What do you call a chicken going to the moon? Apollo 11"