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Joke of the Day

"What is Al Qaeda's Favorite Football Team? The New York Jets."

"Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough."

"i cant feel my face when im with you / please untie me / nose is itchy"

"Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word ""stop."""

"me: Did you brush your teeth? 9: Yes me *hands him a glass of orange juice* 9: Do I have to? me: Yep. Told you not to touch my Cheetos"

"She- get lost Me- *jumps in her wardrobe*"

"I haven't been able to find my girlfriend for months, but I'll never forget the last thing she told me... She said ""I don't give blowjobs."" To be honest I haven't looked that hard."

"Why do women prefer 77 more than 69? Because they get 8 (ate) more. Repurposed from a /u/sciomancy6 comment."

"I'm not one to brag about my Press exposure but yes, it's true what they're saying in my local paper. I am selling my couch"

"Did you see the movie about oil and water? It's immiscible."