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Joke of the Day

"What was shaken and is now stirred? Haiti."

"Have you heard the one about the failed Swedish car company? I'd tell it to you, but nobody likes a Saab story."

"I suck in my stomach when I weigh myself like my scale will be all ""oh she's much thinner than I thought, I'll adjust the numbers."""

"I was just at the beach and heard someone yell ""Help! Shark!"" I am pretty sure that shark wasn't going to help him..."

"What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta."

"Plan B and pregnancy tests should be sold at the Liquor Store as a 'one stop shop' kinda thing. Save all that judgment for one cashier."

"My Abuela voted for the first time yesterday morning! And for the last time a few hours ago."

"I don't like drive-thru's I think it's money out the window."

"How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb."

"TEAM DEATHMATCH Comment if you understand the reference."