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Joke of the Day

"Giving your kid a recorder and telling him to go home and practice is how teachers get revenge on society for paying them so poorly."

"Choose your pet name wisely because you'll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them. *uses falsetto voice* MR. SMOOCHES!!"

"What do walruses and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"Where did the glue go on vacation? Nowhere! He just stuck around!"

"[gets kidnapped] Hold up, I forgot my phone charger."

"Why are boy scouts like human sacrifices in a cannibalistic society? Their motto is ""be prepared"""

"How many Metropolitan Police does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't."

"(OC dad joke) What do you call a goat on a small mountain? A hillbilly"

"Procrastinators Unite! Tomorrow"