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Joke of the Day

"How many Metropolitan Police does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"Me: Will I be happy in 2017? (peers into crystal ball) Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN Psychic: I don't know; I've never seen one explode before"

"What exactly is dissassociative identity disorder? I've heard of it but don't know what it means?"

"How do you get your stomach pumped? Swallow a speaker playing ""Remember the Name"""

"How do Jazz musicians drink their liquor? Straight, No Chaser."

"[Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet"

"Saying ""I enjoy porn"" is considerably less creepy than saying ""I enjoy watching complete strangers have sex in highly unlikely situations."""

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care!"

"Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford? Because he's Indie!"

"Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year..."