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Joke of the Day

"Watch My lesbian friend gave me a Timex for my birthday. I don't think she understood me correctly when I said I wanna watch."

"The awkward moment when you remember something but you don't know if it was real or just a dream."

"How do Australians sleep? With their heads at the foot of the bed."

"A guy walks into a bar the punchline doesn't matter because the real joke is always in the comments."

"What do you call a guy with a shovel? Doug"

"This is a haiku. This is really a haiku. This is not a haiku. --- --- --- ^^^Edit: ^^^missed ^^^a ^^^word ^^^and ^^^almost ^^^ruined ^^^it."

"WHY DID THE PRISONER TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE? THEY WERE SENTENCED TO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT."

"Twilight werewolf Taylor Lautner turns 18 today. That makes him 126 in dog years so, unfortunately, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

"What do you call a cannibal who only eats coma patients? A vegetarian."

"Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army"