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Joke of the Day

"I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them ""My Dixie wrecked"""

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"I'd never be on a reality show, but only because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I'm talking to her on the phone."
"what does pinocchio have for breakfast? oakmeal"
"If the Austrian Police had a Orchestra, what instrument would they use? The Glockenspiel."
"What's the opposite of a gay bar? An allahu akbar."
"Whoever named the ewe really didn't like female sheep"
"What's the only thing a feminist is going to change? The Laundry"
"Q: Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing? A: He was striking a happy medium."
"Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)"
"The average American male... has a 5"" penis but says it's 7"". Anyways, close enough....or a perfect 5/7 story?"