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Joke of the Day

"The person you're eating with can't wait for you to go to the bathroom so they can check their phone."

"Three Nuns at a Bus Stop Three little old nuns were at the bus stop in front of their church when a young man runs up and flashes them. The oldest one had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach."

"What goes around.... still goes around, because life is a b**ch"

"I decided to sell my vacuum... It was just collecting dust."

"With the ferocity that my 6 y/o daughter knocked on the bathroom door there was either a murderer in the house or a cat did something cute"

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan !"

"Do you have 11 protons? Because you're sodium fine..."

"St. Peter: ""Spock?"" Leonard Nimoy: ""I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV."" St. Peter: ""HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"""

"""God is dead"" - Nietzsche ""Nietzsche is dead"" - God ""I'd like to add you to my professional network"" - LinkedIn"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? About a hundred bucks an hour."