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Joke of the Day

"""God is dead"" - Nietzsche ""Nietzsche is dead"" - God ""I'd like to add you to my professional network"" - LinkedIn"

"Motion to rename biological clock ""restless egg syndrome."""

"I'm thinking of going on a cleanse just not sure which race to start with"

"My ex had a really weird fetish... She would dress as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife."

"I'm lucky enough to be ambidextrous. It's just a shame I'm a lefty."

"""My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am."" - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car"

"I heard you can turn soup to gold... You just have to add 24 carrots"

"Doctor Care to his patients. Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Was kicked out of Walmart today. When I walked in I saw a ""Wet Floor"" sign. So I did."