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Joke of the Day

"St. Peter: ""Spock?"" Leonard Nimoy: ""I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV."" St. Peter: ""HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"""

"The past, present and future walk into a bar.. It was tense."

"[2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] ""chief, something has brought the boys to the yard"" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT"

"Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second one says, ""I'll have some H2O too."" The second one dies."

"You can tell I come from a long line of hunters the way I cunningly stalk the rare Totino's Frozen Pizza."

"I just learned that you can get drunk from Kangaroo meat! I'm pretty sure it has something to do with all the hops."

"What do you call a man chasing a car? -Exhausted What do you call a man being chased by a car? -Tired"

"Did you download the new Jewber app? It doesn't allow you to tip"

"Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries"

"[bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop"