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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve."

"CHIPOTLE MANAGER: we can't figure out why these e.coli outbreaks keep happening ME: [bathing in a tub of salsa in the back] ya very weird"

"I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits."

"Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Man I got a lot of problems!"

"A dad walks into his daughter's room and saw her fapping with a cucumber, he said: Hey! I was going to eat that, now it's going to taste like cucumber!"

"She's a perfect 10 A 4 with a 6-pack under her arm."

"This year for Christmas.. This year for Christmas I got a new shirt and piece of ass from my wife. Figures, they were both too big!!"

"ooh n aah Q whats the difference between ooh and aah? A About 3 inches."

"I always bring an extra pair of socks when I go golfing... ..Just in case I get a hole in one."

"I went to the shop to buy 6 cans of coke. But when I got home, I realised I'd picked 7 Up."