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Joke of the Day

"How do you spell candy with two letters? C and Y"

"Just went down to get my driver's license renewed but this time I made sure I was drunk for the picture. Now if I ever get pulled over for drunk driving, they'll just think I'm spastic."

"So what happens if I neglect to ""safely"" remove the USB from the OH DEAR GOD THE BLOOD."

"I sold my vacuum cleaner today.. It was only collecting dust."

"[date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it's not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*"

"Did you hear the popular pickle? He's kind of a big dill."

"My head is so big... When a girl sits on my face, she has room for the remote and a snack."

"GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad ideahow'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT"

"Why was Henry the Eighth so fat? Because he Tudor house."

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler? Usain Bolt can finish off a race"