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Joke of the Day

"[date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it's not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*"

"Rappers be like ""I'm killing them snitches, smackin dem bitches, smokin blunts n fucking hoes!""**Wins award** Rapper: ""I just wanna thank God"""

"What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler Usain Bolt can finish a race."

"Someone tell my kid that if I wanted to hear high-pitched shrieking all night, I would have become a murderer."

"What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son? James Bonding bah dun tss"

"Two condoms are walking down the street when they pass a gay bar... One turns to the other and asks, ""Hey man, wanna go get shit faced?"""

"I don't sit crossed legged to be classy, I'm holding my tampon in"

"[Phone rings] Babysitter: Hello? Dude: Dont. Go. Upstairs. Babysitter: Wha.. What's upstairs? Dude: NOT MUCH, STAIRS, WHAT'S UP WITH YOU"

"In what school subjects does the teacher say 'Well done hamburgers'? A wide range of subjects - meatyeval history meatematics and word grill."

"Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me ""Where the hell are you?"""