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Joke of the Day

"[date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it's not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*"

"How often do women become completely unreasonable? Periodically."

"What is the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Michael Jackson likes to fuck little boys..."

"I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion."

"My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger."

"A structural engineer walked into a bar... ...this is when he realised his building design was flawed."

"I was just adoringly watching my dog sleep and he woke up and caught me and now he thinks I'm some stalker weirdo."

"If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?"

"Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like God came down and highlighted all the important parts."

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the crap out of the room for being black."