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Joke of the Day

"Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes."

"I met this girl at the library... She was really smart! Almost as brainy as Kurt Cobain's ceiling."

"Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars? If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read?"

"A wise chinese guy once said to me ""if the dog barks, it's undercooked"" - Some wise chinese guy"

"This dude forgot to put tomatoes on my sandwich. Thanks, ""artist"". Now I have nothing to pick off."

"Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves."

"I only drink a little, but when I do, I turn into another person... ...and that person drinks a lot."

"If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country. Not a political repost I'm just getting deported"

"Ok, Surgeon General, alcohol is bad for pregnant women. The warning label might be more effective stating alcohol causes pregnant women."

"What's a Republican's favorite number? ""NEIN!"""