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Joke of the Day

"Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns By keeping his mouth shut."

"Me: ""You flunked the labs & the midterm. You need 154% in the final to pass."" Him: ""So there's still a chance?"" Me: ""Let me ask my unicorn."""

"Female sprinters are so hot. I've been trying to bang one for years. But they always outrun me."

"at the salon thinking of going darker for winter maybe i'll kill the shampoo girl"

"Why did the cheese maker not enjoy the movie? <in a Dutch accent> Not much Gouda"

"I use to bleach my bangs so I know about regret."

"whats the difference between Michael Phelps and adolf hitler Michael Phelps can finish a race"

"sex while camping? Now that's fucking in tents."

"What does the torch represent in the hand of the Statue of Liberty? The torch is a symbol of her inability to read in the dark."

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap."