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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a lonely terrorist? ISIL-ated"

"Bought myself some of that ""oasis soup"" You get a roll with it"

"basically the first settlers were those people who go to a party & won't leave even though the indians were checking their watches & yawning"

"What did the carpenter say to the girl he loved? Oh sweetheart, you are the eye of my maple...."

"At marathons I like to put glitter in cups so when participants grab one and throw it in their face they get a party instead of hydration"

"3 guys walk into a bar Three guys walk into a bar. The forth guy ducks."

"Was just told to take my labor day decorations down. I guess a giant inflatable woman giving birth in your front yard is tacky or something."

"How do you give a solipsist an existential crisis? You tell me."

"I like my ice cream like I like my women. Plain vanilla, and hopefully if it lies around long enough it will get wet so I don't have to do much with my mouth."

"Do you want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle."