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Joke of the Day

"[Jesus opens his fortune cookie] SOMEONE WILL BETRAY YOU ""Uh oh"" YOUR LUCKY NUMBERS ARE 4 2 0 6 9 ""Haha nice!"""

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"It's like my whole life is just one horrendous karaoke song choice after another."

"Have you ever opened your wallet and wondered if your dollar bills have ever been in a stripper's butt crack?"

"What's an asian's favorite drug? HERROine ^^^^^^I'm ^^^^^^sorry, ^^^^^^that ^^^^^^was ^^^^^^aweful."

"What do you call a potato shaped like a penis? A dictator."

"What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot? Aye CaRoomba"

"Hillary and Donald are in a plane that crashed. Who survived? The pilot who jumped out with a parachute."

"The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest."

"Stop making fun of the black people in my family tree! They're still hanging there"