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Joke of the Day

"What did they call the Mexican cleaning robot? Aye CaRoomba"

"To save a tree... Eat a beaver."

"I was going to tell you a gay joke butt fuck it"

"My girlfriend agreed to give me a blowjob Oral consent"

"Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem. If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it."

"*phone rings* ""Yeh hi who's this? Sure he's here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u."" ""Who is it?"" ""Drastic Times"" *crowd goes wild*"

"I am so glad that I poop in a toilet, rather than a bag. Given that I did that for 14 months of my life, perspective is a nice thing."

"I tried to catch fog today Mist"

"12yo son forgot his electric toothbrush -- so now he has to MOVE HIS ARM to brush his teeth. His protest was legendary."

"ME: What's your favorite movie? DATE: Girl Interupt- ME: *drops fork* What is it? DATE: Girl Interu- ME: *burps* Sorry. Go on. DATE: Fargo"