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Joke of the Day

"Learning to love yourself is important. Just don't let your wife catch you doing it."

"It's that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year."

"don't kid yourself, the pace at which the cursor blinks before a blank space in a document is the actual heartbeat of God"

"(warning racist and horrible humor, NSFW) How do you start a rave party in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling"

"Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it's like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon."

"Do you know who REALLY gets irony? Skydiving schools. Cuz you gotta drop out to graduate! *releases mic to float down on tiny parachute*"

"I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak."

"What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologize."

"There's no such thing as an automatic door. Just gentlemen ninjas."

"Barack Obama has a long one, George Bush has a short one, Lorde doesn't have one and Pope Francis doesn't use his... Last names. What were you expecting?"