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Joke of the Day

"Barack Obama has a long one, George Bush has a short one, Lorde doesn't have one and Pope Francis doesn't use his... Last names. What were you expecting?"

"how did jerry heller order breakfast over eazy"

"Why did Microsoft skip to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9."

"Why can you RAN in a campsite, but never RUN in a campsite? Because it's always past-tents."

"Either way, I don't think we should let Shrodinger near any more cats."

"What did the surgeon say to his constipated patient? Cut that shit out!"

"How many terribly overused Vine memes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ***19, you dumbass. Its 19. not twenty-fucking-one.***"

"""sir we don't hire people to be mannequins"" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* ""No, sir we don-"" M:*new pose* [under breath] ""damn this guys good"""

"Sometimes there's a huge disaster and lots of people die but it's ok because no celebrities got divorced."

"Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb? Too much work."