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Joke of the Day
"My friend is addicted to brake fluid... ...but he says he can stop anytime"
Next Joke
"Which nut is the angriest? The pistachio."
"So a duck walks into a pharmacy... and asks the pharmacist, ""Do you have any chapstick?"" When the pharmacist hands it to him, the duck replies ""Thanks, just put it on my bill!"""
"He is on that bird call website a lot. - My Mom describing me on twitter to older relatives at get-togethers."
"I've been working out at Starbucks lately. Hitting the french press."
"How do you tell the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized."
"What's a nice way to tell someone that you don't want talk while you're working out? It's not ""Shut up, asshole."" Apparently."
"Knock Knock! -Who's there? -I eat mop..."
"If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"
"Did you hear the joke with the punchline that is invisible to idiots?"