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Joke of the Day

"[At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay."

"I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro"

"Try some Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Stevie Wonder! They have ""the taste you can s- ... taste."""

"It is always the wrong time of month."

"No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this"

"Siri, does this look infected?"

"Whats the fastest way to cut down a tree? Suh Dude"

"Meant to text a girl ""Wanna hang?"" Wrote ""Wanna gang?"" She wrote ""Sure."" I've got some serious decisions to make."

"Today I found ought I was adopted... but they gave me back."

"We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means."