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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who sells their butthole for sex? Prostatute"

"Earthquake just hit California... Too many liberals are literally shaking."

"What do you do if the Ocean stares at you? Sea it and Wave :3"

"ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don't say that, you're drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here"

"I am never too old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night."

"I've been having an affair with a film director's wife. Yesterday he caught us in bed together. He was furious. I said to him, ""Look, mate, don't make a scene."""

"I think I'm a mushroom Everyone keeps me in the dark and feeds me bullshit."

"I'm not a narcissist. Narcissists spend their time looking at themselves in the mirror. I don't need to do that to know I look fabulous."

"So I was doing research on WWII. The Americans were winning the war with flying colors. And by that of course, I mean the Tuskegee Airmen."

"How is Budweiser like Making Love in a Canoe? It's Fucking Close to Water."