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Joke of the Day

"I'm not a narcissist. Narcissists spend their time looking at themselves in the mirror. I don't need to do that to know I look fabulous."

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""

"Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me."

"What the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus The picture only takes one nail to hang."

"What can run out before you've had a chance to use it? Slaves."

"If blacks have the race card, women have the gender card, what do rednecks have? The Trump card."

"I should rename my Reddit account to Digiorno... Because as OP I never deliver"

"My wife wants to have a kid... I bought her a goldfish and told her to wait a few million years."

"One word to overcomplicate clickbait. [Inception](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3ywg0j/one_word_to_overcomplicate_clickbait/)"

"What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold unto your nuts-This is no ordinary Blow Job!"