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Joke of the Day
"Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it's too cheesy..."
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"[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on"
"*on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug*"
"What do Bud Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."
"A blonde gets an acceptance letter to Harvard ."
"If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well, there's the door."
"Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion."
"Whodunnit ? by Ivor Clew"
"Why don't Buddhists have Instagram? They don't believe in the concept of a selfie."
"Pizza is like sex I only get it from Papa John"