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Joke of the Day

"Pizza is like sex I only get it from Papa John"

"For Christmas, I gave my wife a t-shirt and a dildo. I told her if she didn't like the shirt she could go fuck herself."

"""Why don't you trust me?"", she texted both the guys simultaneously."

"What do fruit punch and a punch to the face have in common? Both can knock you out at a party."

"I need a draft folder for my mouth."

"You've failed history again ! Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones !"

"Me: tries to sleep Brain: M: B: M: B: M: B: if one synchronized swimmer drowns do the others have to drown too?"

"I have sex almost every night! Almost Monday night, almost Tuesday night..."

"I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you, homophobic vending machine."

"Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas."