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Joke of the Day

"If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on. In related news, I just broke up with my mom"

"What's Fermat's favorite topic in Mathematics aside from his theorem? Fermatation."

"I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity... ...70% of the internet is being completely wasted."

"Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead"

"How much does a Hipster weigh? An Instagram."

"Jumping on a trampoline naked is an awesome way to see the past, present and future of your body."

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump ? One's a dumb and the other is dumber"

"All the terrible rumors about me are true, people who spam me via DM."

"Co-worker: Face up or face down? Me: Um. What? Cw: The fax machine? Documents face up or down? Me: I'm not mature enough to answer that."

"So, turns out the Virgin Mary was a prostitute... Cause she had sex with God for a little prophet."