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Joke of the Day
"How much does a Hipster weigh? An Instagram."
Next Joke
"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."
"There's no one worse than the first person to give a standing ovation in a crowd forcing everyone else to get up and clap."
"[me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason."
"An American soldier talks with a Russian soldier A-We get the equivalent of 3000 calories per day. R-Impossible! No man can eat 60 pounds of potatoes in one day!"
"I was chatting up this woman. I said, ""You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."" ""Aww,"" she smiled, ""Can you?"" I said, ""Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."""
"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, one to hold the ladder and the other to screw the mother.. LIGHTBULB!"
"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. ""First offender?"" The judge asked. ""No"" said the bailiff, ""First a Gibson, then a Fender."""
"Did you hear about the Kidnapping? Don't worry, he woke up"
"I stayed at my girlfriends family's place durring the Christmas break. Her father was being a prick and wouldn't let us sleep together, which is a shame, because he is a real good looking guy."