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Joke of the Day

"I had sex with a girl at an apple orchid and she ended up getting pregnant... It's probably because I came in cider."

"The only thing better than an orgasm is being interrupted by stupid bullshit while you're masturbating. I hate stopping at toll booths!"

"They say there is safety in numbers... Tell that to 6 million jews"

"I was tanning on the beach with my son. After a while, he looked at me and said, ""You're look like a lobster."" ""Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?"" I asked. He said, ""No, you're just really ugly."""

"What do you call a greedy lesbian? Bush hog."

"GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad ideahow'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT"

"I've just been refused entry to the National Alzheimer's conference. ""Do you know who I am?"" I shouted."

"What's Jared's favorite Subway bread? Italian Herbs and Child Pornography."

"Why do stoners love English? Because it's lit"

"""Stuff that alligator in that dolphin"" - God creating sharks"